do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
tell me about the eggs
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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