you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
