just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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