Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Randomize
