Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Randomize
