you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
