i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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