im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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