nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
