all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
