where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Randomize
