Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
