So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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