There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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