you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
