can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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