I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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