How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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