at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
