cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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