but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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