Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
