My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
You're like the curious george of whores
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
