I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
