A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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