Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Randomize
