is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Randomize
