Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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