how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
