You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
