Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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