u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
