help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
