i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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