Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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