So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize