I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
