peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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