I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
