How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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