im drinking this country out of the recession.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
