Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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