After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
