smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
