But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
My liver just had a heart attack.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
