I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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