Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
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