Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
