Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Randomize
