I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
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