People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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