she looked like the before picture.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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