Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Everyone says I win the strip club
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize