Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize