Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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