Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
