I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize