i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
