you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Randomize