pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
