Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
