dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Randomize
