Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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