She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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