It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
