Please, let me fuck your mom
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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