I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
