I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
