For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
