Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
