he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
