there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
