dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
